Windows 98 Warning

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Missouri edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Missouri. If you have one of the Missouri editions you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Missouri edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive, and floppies are them little ole plactic disc thangs.

Other features:

Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

Normal command:		Command in Winders 98:
OK	=	ats aww-right
cancel	=	hail no
reset	=	awa shoot
yes	=	shore
no	=	Naaaa
find	=	hunt-fer it
go to	=	over yonder
back	=	back yonder
help	=	hep me out here
stop	=	ternit off
start	=	crank 'er up
settings	=	sittins
programs	=	stuff what does stuff
documents	=	stuff I done did

Also note that Winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98 (Missouri version):

tiperiter	A word processor
colering book	a graphics program
addin mershene	calculator
outhouse paper	notepad
jupe-box	CD Player
iner-net	Microsoft Explorer
pichers	A graphics viewer
IRS	M/S accounting software
coon dog	American kennel club records
fishin	Bass Anglers Sportsman Society
NRA	National Rifle Association
shot gun	Remington Arms price list
raffel	Winchester price list
pisstel	Smith & Wesson price list
truck	Ford & Chevrolet dealers in AL
house	Nearest Mobile home repair service
core network	Used Car listing for AL
cuzzins	family history usually a 1kb file
tax records	usually an empty file
shells	ammunition inventory
bud	list of Budweiser dealers in AL
rasin	NASCAR racing schedule
Parts	nearest Junk yard by zip code
doc	veterinarians in AL
thesaurus	Barney's home page
spell check	Physicians visit schedule
highlight	Chandelier outlets

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Missouri edition of Windows 98. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

Windows 98 Warning!